As far back as I can remember, I was always interested in the supernatural and the occult.

Being a fan of horror movies (the old ghost stories not the violent blood and gore of today) from a young age, possibly caused my growing interest in the unknown.

In my late twenties I became another searcher for the "Truth". Through innocence or ignorance, my search for this "Truth" began where my human understanding thought was the only place to begin i.e. within myself.

After a broken marriage at the age of 23 that only lasted two and a half years, I had two daughters to support, and after a few short-lived relationships that also ended on the skids, I began to think that perhaps the problem was me. Hence the real acknowledgement of beginning a search within my mind - to "find myself". Haven't we heard that expression before! Like most people without Christ (and some with Christ) I had probably always been centered on "self", only now I was acknowledging that it was perfectly alright to be concentrated on "self".

With the exception of a few trash/romantic novels to enhance my daydreams of love and success, I began reading an assorted collection of self-help books. As I would read through these books and in the following weeks, I would feel good about myself and in control of the situation, but not long after things would go back to "normal", which to me was abnormal.

At 28 years of age I began drinking "Jim Beam" heavily and smoking marijuana, prior to this these were social habits. Now alcohol and 'dope' became part of my every day existence.

After meeting the father-to-be of my third daughter, who was an alcoholic ( I became one too),the alcohol and drugs took control of my mind, soul and life. This relationship proved to be physically and emotionally abusive, I, too being the antagonist as well as him.

I was going down hill fast and losing all sense of logic, reasoning and caring for that matter.

In January 1990 I moved to Cowra NSW to try to begin again, and though I moved away from my boyfriend we still maintained our relationship, long distant.

I continued to drink though, stopped smoking marijuana, probably because I didn't know anyone who smoked it there. In 1991 I gave birth to my third daughter.

In 1992 my father died, leaving my mother of 71years and not well suffering with the disease of schleraderma, alone in Queensland. Mum had always been very dependant on Dad.

I believed in God, in fact a couple of years prior to this my sister Jenny and my nephew Kevin had at different times and places become "born again" Christians. Of course I thought they were crazy - had "lost the plot" and were being "brainwashed" by their respective Churches.

To believe in a God that was going to send people to hell because they didn't believe in His Son was very offensive to me to say the least. But they could believe what they wanted to believe as long as they left ME alone.

I even prayed about coming to Queensland to help out my mother, but mostly my prayers were self focused.

In December 1992 the girls and I moved to Qld, and even then I felt that this was a move directed by God.

In April '93 I went to my first clairvoyant in Qld (certainly not my first clairvoyant ever, I'd been to numerous in NSW - clairvoyants, palm readers and a "white" witch). This particular clairvoyant told me amongst other things, that I would see a "light" and then I would KNOW what I wanted to do with my life. She also could "sense I was spiritual" (I certainly liked to think so), and told me of an informal "Spiritual Meeting' held once a month in a private home on a Sunday night and gave me a contact number.

Though it took me a couple of months before I phoned, prior to all this I had already become interested in New Age/Spiritual beliefs and had begun reading numerous books on and around this subject.

I felt strongly that this was the true meaning of life, and my search for the "Truth" had ended but at the same time began on a whole new dimension.

Though New Age's may differ on various things, for myself - my own truths- I decided that:-

1. GOD was a source of light and energy,

2. Our souls would continue to reincarnate until either (a) we reached perfection, or (b) "GOD" decided to call our souls home to "Himself", and

3. There was no hell or devil, this was just created in the mind of poor spiritually inferior Christians,

4. The soul, not GOD, judged itself and made the decision whether through guilt would reincarnate into another body or through absence of guilt attain to a spiritual advancement.

One New Age concept I personally did not accept was that "I WAS GOD", perhaps had I stayed in it's web any longer I would have warmed to that idea.

I began attending these "Spiritual Meetings" where I, along with a group of inexperienced women, I learnt the "art" of psychometry (jewelry reading), aura reading, meditation (relaxation, past life and meeting your spirit guide meditations) and studied and practiced other things such as crystals and their "powers and properties", chakra (energy centers in the body) balancing, and developing our psychic powers and awareness for the transformation of our inner self.

On my first night I was successful to my astonishment, to see my first 'aura' (a life force of light and energy around the body) and colors of pink and green around two of the ladies.

I was so fascinated by it that the words of the clairvoyant came back to me and I thought that this indeed was the "light" that I would see and I knew I wanted to learn more of auras and psychic powers and bought more books on the subject. The first time I heard the term "New Age" spoken was when I asked the leader of the group where I found books on these subjects and she said "they'll be found in a section called New Age".

As I further "advanced" at these meetings I became quite good at "psychometry". I would hold a personal item (usually jewelry) belonging to one of the ladies, not knowing who's, in my hand, I would close my eyes and concentrate on the feelings, visions and/or vibes I would receive from the item.

On one occasion I actually felt my legs go so weak that I thought if I were to stand up I would collapse, then my right eye began to water and the left side of my face just "dropped", then onto my left side of my entire body - I had no control over my body or its reactions.

When we were discussing what our experiences were, the lady who owned the ring (the leader of the group) said that the ring belonged to her father who had suffered a stroke later in life. It had affected his left side and with the other eye he would often weep.

I went home with a mixture of excitement and fear, not fully understanding these experiences but believing they were part of an awakening of my own psychic powers.

On another occasion I chose a little "peg" ornament and as I held it in my hand I felt the peg pulse like a heart beat. The beat became stronger and stronger and then suddenly stopped. The peg belonged to an older lady who indeed had a heart problem and only that night, before coming to the meeting, had had a mild attack and taken a pill for her heart.

The auras I would see thereafter only became more bright and intense in color and the ability to see them became instant, no longer concentrated and induced as before. Each visit I would add more colors to my personal inventory.

Meanwhile between these meetings, Jenny (my born again sister) would either visit from NSW, or in phone conversations, tell me that I was wrong and what I was doing was evil and against God. She would try to explain to me the salvation plan of God through His Son Jesus Christ.

We would argue about our diverse viewpoints in various degrees, and what began with a mild irritation and frustration toward Christians became an intense hatred toward them and their religion.

In September '93 I began attending weekly on Sunday evenings a newly formed "Spiritualist Church" in my town. The first meeting I attended they had a guest speaker who told us that "YOU ARE GOD!" his learning was after the Indian guru Sai Baba. When he'd finished he asked if anyone had any questions and I, being the only one who did, said to him "I have a problem with I am God". Let me stress that this man spoke with all confidence and matter-of-fact, yet when I said this he stepped back, hesitated, muttered and answered "oh, no, not you, umm... I have a problem with that too, it's just that Sai Baba has said this, he's reached a higher level of spiritual attainment"

Though accepting his answer then, I see now how, when Truth exposes lies (even obviously when truth is said in ignorance such as mine) the Light holds power over the darkness! Praise God! When the Truth exposed the lie it could do nothing but scuttle back into it's darkness and hide.

Never the less, I met people at the "Church" that I had something in common with, some I did not feel comfortable with, most others I did.

In November '93, prompted by another phone call from my sister which ended in disaster, I bought a Bible and began reading it with the sole purpose of proving the Christian faith wrong and to back up my New Age beliefs. My advice to you is don't ever read God's Word (the Holy Bible) to disprove God's Word!

I began in the New Testament and of course most would go over my head, but certain verses would stick out at me and I would believe that I was finding scriptures to support my philosophies. Scriptures such as:-

"I and my Father are one" (John 10:30), "that they may be one as we are one" (John 17:11). I especially considered Colossians to be filled with scriptures that proved New Age's to be on the right track:- "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Colossians 1:27), "For ye are dead and your life is hid with Christ in God" (Col 3:3) to name a few.

Please don't ask how, all I can say is that I was finding what I wanted to find and my mind was still shrouded in darkness.

At the once a month "Spiritual Meetings" we began a series of tapes for Past-Life meditations and introduction of our "spirit guide".

On the first or second night of these tapes, having escaped deep inside the crevices of my mind to a higher consciousness, I met my spirit guide "Shaman".

Previously in meditations I had walked along the beach feeling the sand beneath my feet, walked in the most magnificent rainforests, hearing the sounds, and swam with dolphins touching their warm flesh as they glided past me. These experiences are very real to the mediator, please do not negate their experience, but by all means the source.

Before meeting "Shaman", I was led up a huge golden staircase that did not seem to be inside any room and once at the top, he showed himself to me (i.e. the face he wished to reveal to me), but I could only see his eyes as he was cloaked in a robe and had the top of his head, his nose and mouth covered. Behind him, though seemingly detached, I could see what was to me the throne of God with a huge bright light emanating from it, and "Jesus" in white standing on "God's" right. I remember thinking that my spirit guide "knew God and Jesus personally" and this only gave me a sense of puffed up pride.

When I first saw his eyes I didn't like them, I was unsure and sensed a dislike and shallowness about him, but the more I looked into his eyes the more I became bewitched by him and found myself falling into his hypnotic gaze. I was eager to go "back" and know him more and find out what wisdom he had for me, but this was not the One True God's plan for me.

Jenny visited in the Christmas holidays and hired some videos on the end times which we watched together. Though I still didn't believe it, it at least gave me some food for thought, until finally on the 7th January '94 I was lying down having an afternoon nap and before I fell asleep I prayed to God. I finally had come to a point in my life where I was willing to put aside all self interest of what the truth may be, and the truth that would benefit me most, and seek from God His Truth. I prayed "What is Your Truth, not mine, nor my sisters, nor the lady who ran the spiritual meetings, nor even those of the Spiritualist Church. But Your Truth God?"

I fell asleep, and when I awoke I heard the words in my spirit "I AM THE TRUTH AND I AM THE WAY". Though this isn't the whole verse, I believe God gave me only what I asked for, I sought the truth and the way to it...LIFE in all its fullness would come later. I knew where it came from as I'd read it before and rejected it, only this time these Words spoke to my innermost being and I believed. There was no doubt, no confusion, only acknowledgement and belief and a sudden conviction of how deeply I'd sinned against God. Right there sitting on my bed I prayed for forgiveness and repented of my sins and asked Jesus Christ to come into my life and heart.

I committed myself and my life to Him there and then, and He showed me that it would not be easy. Perhaps He was showing me this to give me an "out" option, but I'd finally found the Truth, the real Truth, and I was going to hold on with both hands and not let go. I cried and cried, but I felt free.

When I picked up the Bible after that it was indeed like a "veil had lifted from my heart" (2 Corinthians 3:15-17) and I could read the scriptures and begin to understand how very much I had been deceived, misled, deluded and most of all lied to by the "Father of lies", using those who were as ignorant and blinded as I was. Those like me who were walking in darkness, the blind leading the blind.

Almost two years a born again Christian now and God was truthful (could He be anything but) when He showed me it wouldn't be easy. But by the grace and love of God, the guiding and persistent teaching of the Holy Ghost, I press on.

My testimony could end here, but I want to add one more incident for any Christians who would doubt at times if God means His Word and does not change.

Approximately one month after becoming a Christian, the first Sunday evening in February '94, being the typical enthusiastic born again believer, and after much prayer with no "answer", I decided to attend the first Spiritual Meeting of that year. The intent of my heart, though motives were wrong, was to meet with the newcomers of the group and eventually get to know them and impress them with my "talents" and then as they warmed to me, share Jesus and my faith with them.

The night was far different from previous ones. I'd sang worship and praise songs in my Nissan on the twenty minute drive there, but once there felt at odds, unsettled, like I no longer belonged. I couldn't "read" auras as well as before, the light I did see was dull. When we did psychometry I chose a ring and when I held it in my hand I suddenly saw a Christian "fish" explode into my mind. Then the top of my head went tight like a vice had been clamped upon it and wound as tight as it could go.

When we shared our experiences, I thought that perhaps this young lady whom the ring belonged to would become a Christian, but the leader was uncomfortable with this and said to the girl "Are you a Pisces?", the girl answered "No, but my husband who bought the ring is." This satisfied the leader, but I thought to myself "I know a Pisces fish when I see one and this was no Pisces fish, this was a Christian fish!"

The leader also attempted to explain the tightness of my head saying that this was a common occurrence when your psychic powers were beginning to develop.

I went home before the continuation of the past life meditations, thanks be to God, who arranged for my children to phone the meeting with an upset younger sister.

The next day my youngest was with her elder sister at a friends place swimming and was attacked by a rottweiler dog.

Because I had prayed for her protection, I felt He (God) had betrayed me, feeling deserted, shattered, forsaken and alone. I couldn't understand why.

As days passed I couldn't get away from the feelings that God had forgotten me and I became angry with Him, turned away and ceased praying. The only thing I didn't stop doing was read the Bible each morning - I felt compelled to keep reading even though I didn't want to. By this time I was ending Exodus and heading into Leviticus.

Well meaning Christians would try to explain that perhaps my daughter was going to drown and God used the dog to save her, and other excuses. But this did not sit well with me, as I didn't want to love a God who worked that way.

Through these days when God had turned from me, I became a loner with no one to turn to. I became afraid of ever turning back to God, fearing that if I did, what would Satan do next "put my daughter in front of a moving car?" - I became more afraid of the power of Satan than the power of God.

It was about ten days later when I was reading Leviticus chapter 20, and came to verse 6 "And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, (mediums and spiritualist) to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people", that I realised what God was trying to tell me.

I had consulted with mediums and spiritualist and once more returned to and played in the devils playground. Though I had prayed before hand about whether to go or not, the fact was it was already written in Gods Word not to do so and therefore settled, and as good as His word He did indeed set His face against my soul and emotionally cut me from my people. Not because He was a cruel God, but because He is a loving God who cared about me and was wanting me to be as serious about being His child as He was about me being His child.

This testimony is true. It is my testimony which God has given me. I found out later that my nephew and sister had often prayed for me. Though I knew my sister would pray for me as I would tell her to keep her prayers to herself. Also my niece and the ladies of her Bible Study group would pray against the web of New Age I was entangled in.

If you have friends or family in this Cult/Religion, I urge you to keep praying for them, as the battle is fought and won often in prayer.

My friends who are still held in spiritual bondage are uncomfortable with my new faith, and most often try to avoid me or justify themselves. Though they would not admit it, I know that had I left their meetings and told hem I was following any other path, such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Bahai, Wicca etc, I would have been welcomed to dine at their table with them, welcomed still with open arms.

But I sense that with Christianity there is a repulsion that I'm sure the majority of New Age's cannot even understand, that most try to deny. But with me there are no regrets as God says "Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of the devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lords table, and of the table of devils." (1 Corinthians 10:21)

If you like to write to Kerrie just E-mail us & we will see that she gets it.

If you have a testimony you would like to share please e-mail it to us & we will include it in this section.

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